The Toa MetruEdit
Matau: Not to be confused with the infamous Turaga Matau, Matau is the star of the show. Since the show takes place after Web of Shadows but before Turagafication, Matau is still a Toa Metru, and is convinced that he is the coolest, most handsome, and greatest Toa-Hero ever to walk the face of the Matoran Universe. He has a rather long "annoying list," which is a list of all of the characters who annoy him, although Bob the Pirate :pirate: is on this list multiple times and makes up nearly half of the entire thing. Matau dislikes most of the other Toa Metru, with the exceptions of Whenua, who is never mentioned whatsoever, and Nokama, who he has a very obvious and seemingly one-sided crush on. As shown from various flashbacks (typically started by Nokama), he can be somewhat clumsy and tends to crash into things whenever he is driving something/flying something/doing ANYTHING when Nokama is around. If Nokama is threatened, he will do almost anything to get her back, including surrendering the show (as seen when Bob the Pirate :pirate: demanded exactly that). In response to threat mail/insults/viruses, Matau is able to send Literal Air Mail, which causes a tornado or hurricane to erupt out of the recipient's computer and blow them to Pluto. Matau also makes appearances in L#SC and Pokerahi (upcoming).
Nokama: The Toa Metru of Water serves as Matau's foil, disliking his excessive ego and constant attempts to
flirt hit on constantly say that she is his girlfriend and/or a "hottie." This usually results in a SLAP! or two from her. Nothing is immune to her slaps, which are apparently powerful, as evidenced by one chapter in which her SLAP! manages to break an invincibility shield protecting a spammer. She has taken over the show during a few chapters, when Matau was absent for one reason or another, and during these "Ask Nokama?" segments, she reveals that she secretly does like Matau, but wants him to stop being so full of himself before letting him know.One thing that she and Matau both agree on is their dislike of Bob the Pirate :pirate: and any other hackers, threat mail senders, or spammers, in which case they often combine their powers to send Literal Energized Protodermis Mail. If Matau isn't available, she can also send Literal Water Mail, which causes a tsunami or tidal wave to erupt out of the recipient's computer in a similar fashion to Matau's Literal Air Mail. Nokama also appears in L#SC.
Vakama: The Toa Metru of Fire is one of Matau's rivals for Nokama's affection, as seen mostly in flashbacks. Vakama, after the events of LoMN and WoS, constantly blames himself for anything and everything, even saying at one point, "It's all my fault for it being my fault!" He also appears whenever someone inadvertedly says a quote from one of the aforementioned movies, in which case he will respond with his own line from whatever scene the quote came from. Vakama rarely appears in later chapters, and though he never is seen using it, it is presumed that he can send Literal Fire Mail as well.
Nuju: Toa Nuju is the Toa Metru of Ice, and as a result of his upbringing in the Knowledge Towers, is an extreme nerd, knowing many complex arithmetic and grammatical formulas. He often appears to ramble on about some inconsistency within the comedy, using complex equations and big words, until someone (usually Matau) calls him "NERD!," at which point he will use the "sad" emoticon and vanish. Nuju is more of a running joke than a character, although he also appears in L#SC as a character. He can, presumably, use Literal Ice Mail.
Onewa: Of all the male Toa Metru, Onewa is Matau's main rival. He occasionally hatches various schemes to make Nokama fall in love with him, although more often than not, he winds up blasted to Pluto in some form or another. As shown in flashbacks, Matau would like to eat Onewa, saying that he tastes like chocolate. Onewa is very quick to anger, especially if one insults his mask, and can use Literal Stone Mail, as seen in one episode. Onewa appears the most often out of any Toa Metru besides the two main characters, and enjoys driving vehicles through the Moto-Hub, running Matau over repeatedly during the episode taking place there. He has also sided with Bob the Pirate :pirate: on a few occasions.
Whenua: Whenua does not appear in this comedy. Ever.
After WoS, Vakama gave Matau one of each Visorak as a pet. These Visorak are unique characters, and whenever a Visorak is mentioned in any of Lewa0111's other comedies, it is usually the one from this comedy. The Visorak also have their own spin-off comedy, entitled The Visorak on the Mysteries of BZP, although it only lasted a few chapters.
Keelerak: Keelerak is the most normal of the six Visorak. He is intelligent (although not nerdily so), and is usually responsible for keeping the comedy on track. He has even run the comedy in one episode. Keelerak believes that there is such a thing as a :keelerak: emoticon, which he uses as his signoff in imitation of Lewa0111's signoff, although this emoticon does not exist. In the spin-off, Keelerak was the leader of the group. Bob the Pirate :pirate: calls him "Slave!!" when referring to him, with two exclamation points.
Boggarak: Boggarak is an extremely cynical Visorak, and dislikes all of the randomness that constantly occurs in the comedy. He typically comments on this at least once or twice per chapter. He also dislikes people mistaking him for a female due to his coloring. Bob the Pirate :pirate: calls him "Slave!", with italics.
Vohtarak: Vohtarak has an unhealthy obsession with BIONICLE online games, even to the point that his spin-off incarnation would have competitions with his Ask Matau! version to see who could complete the games first. Typically, the chapters always start with him on Matau's computer, playing the most recent online game. The joke began with MNOLG, but this was later expanded to include more games as the comedy went on. Recently, he stole a laptop from Oohnorak, and so Matau is able to use this to distract him from the computer to that he may use it to answer questions. Bob the Pirate :pirate: calls him "Slave!", with no added features.
Suukorak: As befits an ice character, Suukorak's speech consists entirely of "...", although he is able to communicate through subtitles. Sometimes, new characters will not notice his subtitles, leading to hilarity and confusion. Even so, he speaks rarely, sometimes not having any lines at all for chapters at a time. Thanks to his silence, he often goes unnoticed, especially by Bob the Pirate :pirate:, which allowed him to escape Matau's house and recruit the Federation of Comedy to rescue Matau, Nokama, and the other Visorak. In the spin-off, his personality is largely the same, although he talks a bit more.
Roporak: Roporak's personality is similar to Tava's, from TNI, although where Tava is obsessed with pie, Roporak's obsession is cheese. He is typically only seen during cheese jokes, although the plot of one chapter focused on his filling the entire house with cheese, forcing the show to relocate temporarily while a Bohrok cleaning crew took care of the mess. Roporak remains unchanged in the spin-off. Bob the Pirate :pirate: calls him "Slave!!", with italics, bold, and two exclamation points.
Oohnorak: Oohnorak is, if possible, more egotistical than even Matau. This has led him to attempt to take over the spin-off comedy, as well as start his own comedy called "Ask Oohnorak, the Coolest!" This only received one letter, from Matau, with Literal Air Mail. Oohnorak bought a laptop with Matau's money, which later was used to keep Vohtarak away from the main computer. Oohnorak tends to annoy Matau the most out of all the Visorak, earning him a trip to Pluto on a few occasions. Bob the Pirate :pirate: calls him "You with the stupid color scheme!", referring to his orange-and-black coloration.
Other Main CharactersEdit
Computer: Yes, the computer is actually a character. In addition to displaying messages for Matau to read, it can also talk, which scared Matau in the first chapter. The computer is the same color as Matau's armor. It is deathly afraid of being replaced by the Toa Punctua, as they intend to replace its Windows XP system with Vista, Macintosh, or Linux. The computer can also choose which messages are displayed in what order, as is evidenced when it forced Bob the Pirate :pirate: to read all of his own spam messages sent to Matau during his takeover.
Eddie the Spam Deleter (2): Eddie is a computer program that Matau bought early in the series to delete the spam from his computer. Eddie can only use the B) emoticon, although sometimes he says other things, before catching himself and saying his emoticon as usual. Eddie, however, could not delete anything other than spam, meaning that viruses, threat mail, and messages from the emoticon villains consisting of a single emoticon would get past him. Because of this, he was later upgraded to Eddie2, who used two B) emoticons instead of one. Eddie2 could detect more types of messages, although it is possible to get around him, such as messages containing the words, "This is not spam." Matau considered upgrading to Eddie3 to handle all of the threat messages and other random letters getting past him, but this idea did not work when they realized that Eddie3 would use three emoticons and waste the emoticon limit for the chapter.
Bob the Pirate :pirate:: Bob the Pirate :pirate: made his first appearance in this comedy, as a primary antagonist. He has an emoticon on the end of his name, and dislikes it when people forget to use it. For some unexplained reason, he likes threatening Ask comedies with viruses and threat mail, and wishes to take over Ask Matau!. He occasionally helps Matau and co., however, if another villain tries to take over the comedy, as Bob has taking over Ask Matau! copyrighted. (This usually triggers Keetongu.) Bob has also appeared in The Nuva Inn, Comedicle, and Ask...Tava?, as well as making numerous cameo appearances in other comedies. He is also the main villain in A Typical Love Story.
Joe the Coffee Rahkshi :wakeup2:: Joe the Coffee Rahkshi :wakeup2: is Bob's brother and Rahkshi counterpart. Unlike Bob, Joe made his first appearance in The Nuva Inn, during the phase when every character got a Rahkshi counterpart. Joe later returned to Ask Matau!, where he helps his brother with taking over the comedy. He also hates it when people forget the emoticon on the end of his name, and has appeared almost everywhere that Bob has, with the exception of ATLS.